04 July 2009

Dictionary of contemporary cycling phrases

From the TCC site adapted from http://amateurtrigirl.blogspot.com/

I'm out of shape"

Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Meiji period. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"

Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post and spray Pocari Sweat in your eyes.

"I'm on my beater bike"

Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using composites blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

"It's not that hilly"

Translation: This climb lasts longer than a tea ceremony. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"This is a no-drop ride"

Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and- rescue dogs.

"It's not that far"

Translation: Bring your passport

"We should be back before it gets dark"

Translation: Check on your life insurance policy and leave a parting note to your loved ones。

Any typical Positivo Espresso phrases you would like to add?

"We are taking regular food supply breaks"

Translation: Don't even dare to stop at any other shop than a 7-eleven. Even when riding the Transalp.

"Sure it's OK for newcomers to join us on a ride out in the mountains."

Translation: You are lured into the moutains and left in a place from where you have no idea how to ride home. One of the newcomers, Paul Jason changed bis phone number and e-mail address after the ride. You might want to consider to do the same before.

"This is the last hill."

Translation: Expect at least five similar climbs on the remainder of the ride, although unless the speaker has a very short memory, is intentionally misleading you, or just has a warped sense of perception, each upward slope can be somehow distinguished from that "last hill", as follows:

--you do not actually go over a "pass" before heading downward again;
--the steep part is only a few kilometers long;
--it is not a hill, just a series of "steep rollers" stacked near each other, so even though you climb a thousand meters with a 10%+ average grade, you end up only 150 meters higher than you started, etc., etc.

But the most likely explanations are that the speaker is intentionally misleading you, if a racer, or suffering from warped perception, if a long or ultra-long distance cyclist.

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